Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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