drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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