we have pet lesbian snakes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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