So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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