when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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