Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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