There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
