I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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