im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
