I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
