what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
