I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
