Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
