he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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