i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
