I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
