the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
