Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
