just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
