I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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