Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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