he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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