Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
