her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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