He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
