Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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