would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
