3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Michael Bay diarrhea
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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