i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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