You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
