sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
