omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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