You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
