Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
