His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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