i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Drunk is not a location!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
