...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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