it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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