yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
