did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No subtext here. People are naked.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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