I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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