Buhtt sex?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
