I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
