at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
