i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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