Yo dont text me then not text me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
