Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
