I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
