if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
