Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
