Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
